Unpacking my belongings

I had what I suspect will be the first of several emotional and hard days. Spent my morning unpacking what I’ve brought with me and putting clothing in drawers and trying to organize my hotel room into something resembling a comfortable place to call home. It seems we might not be back on the island for at least another week. Unpacking is a surreal experience. Being on a first-name basis with our hotel staff and other guests is a surreal experience. This entire thing is a bit surreal as a matter of fact. Still not sure it’s really happening. That maybe, just maybe, the water line is something else. That maybe I don’t really have that much damage. Or maybe I was in some fluke dry spot. I know this to be unreasonable

But while laying the clothes on the bed and folding them it hit me, that’s likely all I own. Most of what is in my house and garage is likely severely damaged if not ruined. I’ve seen pictures of what the inside of friends’ houses looked like after the waters receded and everything is just tossed around from the water. Refrigerators turned on their sides. Heavy wooden dressers tipped over. Clothing rods collapsed in closets.

Then I started wondering about whether my insurance will begin to cover everything. How do I even begin to start over and clean everything. A friend happened to call in the midst of this minor meltdown and in her kind way, she reminded me it will all be OK. She tells me that just like the main character of Under the Tuscan Sun, I’ll take my house room by room and carefully clean and renovate and make it my home again. It will take time, but it will get done piece by piece. I trust that is true, but right now it’s just difficult to imagine.

I also realized today that this is all still a bit distant, not quite real. I worry about actually walking through my front door and seeing it in person — my house as part of the storm damage. Seeing the pictures and everything on television still keep it at a distance. It’s not quite happening to me just yet. When I see it in person, then it will be undeniably happening and quite personal.

But as I keep trying to remember, and as others have said and others have reminded me, this is our chance for a fresh start. I’ve wanted to simplify my life, but being forced to simplify isn’t how I intended to accomplish it. But I guess it simply is what it is. I can’t change anything about it. I can only accept that it is happening and go from here. I know this in my gut. I’m just waiting for the rest of me to catch up with that.