To begin anew

“For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.”
~T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding


A friend posted that today and I like it. For me, that is what this evening is about. New Year’s Eve – it marks both the end and the beginning, a chance to leave the past behind and welcome a new start.

Most people who know me well know I’m not big on setting goals. (It goes with that whole commitment thing you know) If you don’t set a goal, you can’t be accused of failing to meet it. I prefer to have a general idea of where I might like to end up and then just follow the course that is set in front of me. That’s not how I always looked at things – after all, I knew in third grade exactly what I’d be when I grew up and took every step from that point on to make that a reality. I set that goal and I achieved it. And then I changed.

There were other goals along the way that were not met. Other dreams unfulfilled. And that’s OK. That’s life. Not everything is meant to turn out how we imagine it to be, or how we want it to be, or how we try to force it to be. Sometimes it’s better to just let life be life, whatever that might be.

But without fail, New Year’s Eve comes along and with it the recaps of the previous year, ad nauseam, and the undeniable urge to resolve to make the next year different or better or whatever your resolution might be. I, too, find myself doing that now, just as I do every year around my birthday. These anniversary and milestone dates signal a chance for that fresh start, a chance to do or be something different.

So, for 2010, I resolve to challenge myself to let life be life, to return to living in a sense of reality instead of trying to make reality into the fantasy I might have conjured in my own imagination.

I resolve to keep myself first, as I tried to do last year. Not in a selfish way, but in the way that is good for me. My needs must be my priority. So much depends on it.

I resolve to be honest with myself and stop trying to justify, rationalize or otherwise make excuses for whatever is happening in my world.

And finally, I resolve to let go, to keep my past in my memory, and to leave the words said last year to last year. May really, finally letting go be the ending that brings the new beginning that is so long overdue.

The real meaning of Christmas

A friend recently asked why I decorate for Christmas. What is Christmas all about for me, one who doesn’t go to church, who isn’t religious? Why would I celebrate an obviously religious holiday?

It was a good question and at first, not easily answered. But when I stopped to think about it, Christmas for me never has been about the religion, or the great commercial spectacle either. For me, Christmas is about all the goodness I remember growing up. It’s the culmination of all of my childhood memories, rolled into one season. It represents all that I grew up to become.

Christmas has always been a big deal in my family, even though we never really did the Christmas church service and never put a “he is the reason for the season” sign in our yard. But year after year, we’d decorate the house, bake our Christmas breads and cookies, and come together as a family to celebrate a magical season.

It is, after all, a magical season. It is a time of the year when people perhaps find a little goodness in their souls. Be it out of guilt or obligation or some mysterious moment of generosity, people tend to want to be kind and help others at Christmas. This season can represent the very best of humanity.

Granted, it also can be a picture of the worst in humanity with the rude crowds pushing forth through the malls and shopping centers fighting over the last toy, the last parking space, the first place in checkout line. But when we stop to pause and breathe, in the end, the goodness of people shines through this season.

That’s why I celebrate Christmas. To honor that goodness in people.

Growing up, Christmas wasn’t about the presents, but it was about giving. Giving of your time, your love, and yes, finding that perfect gift to give someone. But it was never a gift of obligation, it was a gift of joy. I try throughout the year to give gifts as I see them, and to perpetuate that spirit of giving 365 days a year. The best gift I remember is the gift my parents gave me year after year, and that was the gift of being generous with myself.

I watched with great pride and joy as my mom and dad called on their inner Mr. and Mrs. Claus and delivered toys to kids. When my dad’s office adopted a family at Christmas, he took the mother shopping because it wasn’t about the gifts, it was about the joy in selecting them. And no parent should be denied that joy just because they are without means, he thought.

I celebrate Christmas to honor the compassion and joy of giving this season brings.

Decorating the tree as a child was a treat. Each year, we’d unwrap the ornaments and hang them on the tree. Carefully selecting just the right spot for each ornament. This year, I decorated a small tree in celebration of my first Christmas back in my very own house. My collection of ornaments is small. As with so many things, the Christmas ornaments of my childhood washed out with Ike’s water. The few I managed to save are stained and smeared, and still have a hint of that horrible smell. But still, as I hung them on the tiny tree, I remember the joy that came each year they were unwrapped from their tissue and placed ever so carefully on our family tree.

For that is a big reason why I celebrate Christmas – to revisit the memories of Christmas past and relive the joy that each season brought. Christmas is about the tradition, the connection of one year to the next, the continuous theme in the story of my life. It is as much a part of who I am, and represents the very best I can be. It’s about spending special time with those closest to you, those you spend your days with throughout the year. You might fight a time or two, say hurtful things a time or two, take each other for granted a time or two, but in the end, no matter what, they are still the people who mean the most to you in good and bad times. And Christmas is the time to erase the bad memories, make room for the good ones and carry that feeling of joy from year to year. It’s a time of renewal in the midst of winter. A time to remember and celebrate all that you love and who you love. And a time to give, and love, unconditionally.

Think of the words of our favorite holiday stories. Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol – “I will honour Christmas with all my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” Or Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas – “Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" And who could forget dear old George Bailey, who when surrounded by his friends and family is toasted as the richest man in town.

Those are the sentiments of Christmas. The spirit I choose to celebrate year after year, and the real meaning of my Christmas.