Unconditional struggle

Unconditional-- not conditional or limited: absolute, unqualified


Easter. The sermons center around resurrection. Around overcoming death. Around spreading the news of a messiah resurrected. But when I read the Easter stories, I read a story about forgiveness, about unconditional love, about hope.

That’s what I get from it anyway. You have the story of someone who is betrayed by his closest friends. His own father allows the execution. He is left alone to die next to thieves. This would be someone who could easily be justified in a little bitterness and anger and probably some hatred toward those who have wronged him.

But instead of a story of hate and anger, the story of Easter is a story of forgiveness and love beyond all measure and understanding. A story of that unconditional love we strive for but never seem to attain.

According to Christian tradition, Jesus demonstrated an outpouring of love and forgiveness for those who betrayed him. Instead of being spiteful, he showed love, a love so pure that anything, even betrayal and crucifixion can be forgiven. He is supposed to set an example by which we should all live our lives, right? After all, unconditional love and acceptance is the ideal for which we all strive.

It’s even clear right there in the Lord’s Prayer, recited day after day in churches everywhere: Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Think about it – we ask for and offer forgiveness together. We can’t expect forgiveness if we ourselves cannot offer it as well.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu recently wrote:

“Perfect love is not an emotion, it is not how we feel. It is what we do. Perfect love is action that is not wrapped up in self-regard, and it has no concern with deserving. Instead, perfect love is love poured out. It is self-offering made out of the joy of giving. It requires no prompting. It seeks no response and no reward.”

That sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? And some days it seems so easy to love someone unconditionally, accepting that person with his good and wonderful qualities, and the joy that he brings to your life. But other days, it’s a struggle to remember that unconditional means just that, absolute, unqualified. It’s on those days when the cruel words are exchanged, and the tempers flare and the ugly side of people come out that unconditional is the hardest. I think on those days it’s the most important.

I know I try each and every day to live a life of forgiveness, not necessarily out of Christian faith – those who know me well know that has long been left behind. But rather, I do it because it seems right. It feels right to love someone so unconditionally that nothing that person does can shake that love.

Yet while it can feel so right, some days it can be downright painful to maintain that notion of unconditional. It’s on those days that I wonder, at what point does that continual forgiveness and understanding and patience become detrimental? Or if it is real, would that even be a question? And if it’s really unconditional, shouldn’t we still practice an unconditional love even if those around us do not?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately, and even more so since reading Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s “Made for Goodness,” the book he wrote with his daughter, Mpho, about living the life of goodness and love that we were intended to live.

In this book is story after story about some of the worst betrayals, some of the most heinous of crimes against fellow humans, and yet in each story is a story of forgiveness. He tells the story about a woman whose daughter was brutally murdered, and how that grieving mother works with her daughter’s murderers to promote the message of peace and love. She works side by side with the men who killed her daughter because each and every day she practices forgiveness and an unconditional love.

How many of us could do that? Most of us find it challenging to forgive the little indiscretions of daily life – the small hurts that pile up on each other into larger hurts. If a mother can work side by side with the man who murdered her daughter, shouldn’t we at least be able to forgive the harsh words said in moments of anger, or the mistakes that make for more work in our lives?

I look at my dogs as the ultimate example of living that life of unconditional love, a life of total forgiveness, a life of complete and pure love. Sure, dogs might not be able to love the way people can, but they offer what they can and they offer it without hesitation and without the expectation of anything in return. They are appreciative of what they receive, but it is never a condition of the love and faithfulness they exhibit.

So during this Easter season, wouldn’t it be a grand thing if we all continued to strive for that unconditional outpouring of love? Love those in our lives without the expectation of anything in return. Forgive the trespasses against us, no matter how often or how many, and love unconditionally.

"..The pain cannot be unmade,
The life cannot be unlived,
The time will not run backward,
You cannot un-choose your choice,
But the pain can be healed,
Your choices can be redeemed,
Your life can be blessed,
And love can bring you home" ~ Archbishop Desmond Tutu